in english for once.
two people in my house are vegetarians. they eat veggies and they say they were convicted from eating meat. they say it is because they have come to respect life and that they think it is wrong to kill unnecessarily (it is unnecessary to eat animals if you have access to other food).
that, and the fact that one of them has confronted me with rip-the-carpet-out-from-under-you worldviews concerning racism and injustice, is making me feel quite uncormfortable. i kind of feel oppressed, as if i am a blind person and they see the light. as if there is shame hanging over me. it hangs over me and makes me feel unwelcome.
i hope that this is not what people feel like in the presence of christians like myself. it is hardly a wonder that i’ve come to be really gentle, especially on non-christians, because i cannot expect the holy spirit to water the seeds i plant in their lives through my arguments of morality. instead they often feel condemned, written off, unwelcome. and they’re more likely to run than be attracted to that light.
but i am learning that if i am to survive in a world with many mixed messages and strong statements, as a christian, i’m going to have to be in constant dialogue with the spirit. he’s going to have to tell me whether my discomfort is just from being the only one who holds a certain position, or whether he is actually exposing me to wisdom that he wants me to incorporate into my own way of thinking.
i believe that he is the one in control of my life, meaning that if i listen to his voice he will lead me where i need to go and i will have nothing to fear, not even in terms of “missing out” on spiritual development because he will help me prioritise.this includes the ideas i am confronted with, the books i get the oppurtunity to read, the people i meet, the relationships i enter into, the chances i get to help, the people i get to ask help from, and everything else that builds into and changes my life.
besides veggie stuff. there’s so much to change about the world. there are so many valuable books. so many trails of thought to develop. where in the world do i start? and how much time do i spend gathering tools, time which could be spent using the tools i already have?
he is my guide. he better be. i’d be so lost without him.